Cosmic Avenger

Word to the wise, steer clear of Minecraft if you plan on maintaining a gaming blog.

Another short review to keep the content flowing. This is Cosmic Avenger, a 1981 arcade game from Universal. Why do you care? Because it's the first side-scrolling shoot-'em-up ever. Yeah... I didn't realise either.

Space Dungeon

Classic Game Room is a bit hit-and-miss as far as i'm concerned. On one hand, it's nice to see obscure games and I do often enjoy their reviewing style. On the other, it's clearly aimed at a North American audience, doesn't often do its research and likes the Sega 32X. Nobody with sense likes the 32X.

But kudos to them for pointing out SPACE DUNGEON's existence, a 1981 arcade game by Taito. Its a Robotron 2084 clone released before Robotron 2084, and is arguably better than William's classic? Surely not!

Crazy Cars (DOS)

Look, I've found some tat. It's CRAZY CARS for DOS, circa 1987. Published by Titus, it's the first game in a trilogy, and it's a completely unremarkable and pointless title. Perfect for this blog then.

Rock 'n Roll Racing (Mega Drive)

A Super Nintendo classic, I'm sure you'll agree. So here's the Mega Drive version.

Released in 1994 by a pre-Warcraft Blizzard Entertainment, it's an... isometric racing game, and a good one too. Makes you wonder why the company only devote their time to RTSes and MMORPGs when they could be putting Monster Trucks on simple circuits to the plagiarized tones of Black Sabbath.

Zaxxon (Atari 2600)

Zaxxon is a bad game. Sure it looks nice for a 1982, but to me the constant struggle to negotiate the scenery and adjust the height of your ship makes the game almost unplayable. Despite this, it was brought to almost every system imaginable in the 1980s (I've briefly mentioned the DOS version in the past).

Of course the fun thing about that sentence is that some early 1980s consoles and computers were extremely basic in nature. Unable to render isometric graphics this Atari 2600 port has the player face forwards. Is it an impovement?

Korea Karate

I don't know if you remember, but when I was younger I had some strange fascination with Korea. I didn't really read up on much of the politics behind it at the time, just expecting a reunified state under Seoul's control. That's ignoring the "space" bit, though I suppose the concept of invading the universe is just as plausible as Homefront's invasion of the US to jeopardise FREEDOMS.

Today, KOREA KARATE for the Commodore 64. This is a completely awful game, not even worth a jump link to describe it in any more detail. You play as the man dressed in white, you walk forward to the shoddily programmed man dressed in red, you attempt to punch him, get kicked in the face, and die.

Korea Karate. This was sold to people and claimed to beat IK+. Just think about that for a second.

Donkey Kong Country Returns

"How dare he have teeth" say the hardcore Donkey Kong squad. "DK should not have teeth - he should suck his way through life like in 1994. These new bones have ruined the franchise!"

And the Squirrel says, heed not what these simpletons speak of. And that's not just because you can see Donkey Kong's toothy grin in his 1980 arcade debut, but because teethy Donkey Kong Country Returns, despite not being born in Leicestershire and despite it's unhealthy obsession with Wii Remote waggle, is a great game. It's a welcome change from bongos and shoulder buttons, and one of the few Wii games worth bothering about in the near future.

Super Meat Boy

It's as if Newgrounds are making new grounds in the world of gaming. This is Super Meat Boy, released a few weeks ago on Xbox Live Arcade, PC, and Mac. A frighteningly difficult platformer that's seen nothing but critical acclaim from the press. And for good reason I suppose.

The SHPDMBGWL4 Christmas Special, 2010

Because everyone's Christmas needs to be spoiled

Look, it's another SHPMDBGWL4 Christmas special which you can download. It's an unfinished mess of a game built within about five days with very little gameplay value at all, but it's something.... I think.

Anyway, Merry Christmas. Might not be wise to spend it reading this blog though.

Sexy Parodius

Sounds sexy

Say, what's better than Jikkyō Oshaberi Parodius? Lots of things, actually, but you can count on Sexy Parodius being one of them. The last in the series worth caring about, Sexy Parodius goes that extra mile to make sure it could never be sold in the west by cramming the game full of women in swimsuits to extract your revenge against feminism on. But don't be put off by its title - this isn't filled with intensive bedroom fun. In fact... there's no nudity at all.

Jikkyō Oshaberi Parodius

Sounds... chatting

Say what's better than Gokujō Parodius?.. I'm not too sure. Jikkyō Oshaberi Parodius, or "Chatting Parodius Live" is the fourth game in the series and gives it a go. This one has a running commentary... in Japanese. Perhaps you can see why I'm not as thrilled with this one.

Gokujō Parodius (Fantastic Journey)

Sounds fantastic

Say, what's better than Parodius Da!? The sequel, Gokujō Parodius of course. Those in the know know that its English title is "Fantastic Journey", but I'm not one for breaking naming conventions for the sake of one game.

Gokujō Parodius comes from a time where new entries in the Gradius series were nonexistent, and so on a technical level, it stands out as being a hundred times better than the game it set out to parody. Basically that means in 1994, the best Gradius game wasn't even a Gradius game at all.

Mission in Snowdriftland

My favourite advent calandar is back this year - Mission in Snowdriftland. It's wonderful.

Developed by a group named Extra Toxic, this online flash platformer was originally attached to Nintendo as a way of plugging DS and Wii games for the Christmas season. That was a couple of years ago, and during that time fans (including myself) wanted to see this thing become a commercial product.

That has yet to happen (though the Easter-based cousin, Chick Chick Boom is apparently on WiiWare these days), but it has returned in its original form for 2009 with an non-Nintedo indie games theme. Play it while you can.

Parodius Da!

Konami are an interesting group of developers. They make an extremely popular horizontal shoot-'em-up (Gradius) and then seek to parody it with Parodius. Parodius Da! is the second in the series, following an MSX game that nobody has played and hasn't stood the test of time. It's brilliant, and you should play it.

Top Gear 2

Tonight, I take this Mega Drive game round our track, and a violent goose is the star in our reasonably priced car.

Look, it's the Clarkson-less Top Gear 2, the sequel to... well... guess. Among other systems it was brought to the Sega Mega Drive, and is a fine example of a pseudo 3D racing game from the early 1990s. I don't talk about these sorts of games much, so here's an opportunity for me to do so.

Sonic 2 LD

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on the Sega Master System is a nice game in its own right, but having been built by an entirely different team for a completely different console, it doesn't look much like its more famous Mega Drive counterpart.

But look, Doc Eggfan and co of Sonic Retro fame have changed all that. It's Sonic 2 as you remember it running on Master System hardware... sort of.

Frozen Bubble

I seem to spend a lot of time being screwed around with last minute cancellations and two hour breaks to kill. So fortunate then that I have an Android "smartphone" with enough freebie software to keep a Linux fan thrilled for life.

Frozen Bubble is one such piece of software. A completely free Puzzle Bobble/Bust-A-Move clone which has already absorbed several hours of my time.

Billy the Kid Returns

Well... this is bad.

Billy the Kid Returns, another remnant from my DOS-based childhood. It was developed by a company known as "Alive Software", but trust me, this one's better off dead. Billy the Kid is a prime example of a truly poor and flimsy title worth the time of no man.

So lets spend some time finding out why!

Arcade Classics

Classic game compilations are great. With the power of modern technology the expensive arcade machines of years long past can now be played in the comfort of your own home, for cheap, instantly. Of course in some cases such as when Sega hop on the re-release train, you don't get the best results. Sega's classic "cat in a blender" additions to many Mega Drive musical scores repeatedly give your childhood that extra level of cringe, but others seem to do a reasonable job.

But what were things like before the days of emulation? Like this, Arcade Classics on the Sega Mega Drive (and Sega Game Gear). Can they get it right? Is it even possible to get Pong wrong? Better find out.

Mega Man (Game Gear)

American culture is an odd thing. Arriving on the internet full-time in late 2003, I was told that a FIGHTING ROBOT known as "Mega Man" was the bees knees among "most gamers". This theory was based on supposedly two decades of success and many childhood NES-related memories. Shocking, then, that I had never played nor even heard of a Mega Man game up until this point. Was I missing something?.. aside from a NES?

Well, if I had I known about the series, it might have been through this. Mega Man on the Game Gear. Other contenders are Mega Man: The Wily Wars on the Mega Drive, or something like Mega Man X3 on the Saturn... though being honest it's unlikely I would have came across any of them, and I couldn't have played this one since it wasn't released in the UK. But it's an entry to the series that isn't discussed much, so that makes it ideal for Blog Squirrel treatment.