Puckman Pockimon Genie 2000

Yes.

"Puckman Pockimon Genie 2000", thirteen-year-old unlicensed arcade tat from the far east, here to make your day that extra bit less pleasant. You got your Pokémon in my Pac-Man etc., and a worldwide culling of brain cells commenced.

Credit goes to Techokami for tracking this one down.

King & Balloon

Man the space cannons - Richard Branson is attacking the monarchy. This is King & Balloon, released in 1980 by Namco. Remind me why we don't care.

Tetris: A Blog Squirrel Mini Special

Here's the situation. I killed The Obscure Research Project a few months ago. I regret nothing. But the problem is that as long as I choose not to maintain it, it will be sitting there, telling lies, and I don't like that. So I'm going to rectify this situation by covering not the one, not the two, but the three (and a half) Tetris games for the NES. And the 1988 Arcade version. And god knows what else.

It's 2012 Squirrel correcting 2008 Squirrel in what I like to call a "mini special". Much like the days when I went through tons of games, except here there's only a half dozen, and I can't be bothered to take it out of blog format.

I'm Sorry

For the last couple of years, it's been my dream to bring political satire into video games. Regardless of your views on the state's role in society, I think UK citizens will come far and wide to watch a virtual Nick Clegg hurl Ford Escorts at giant mutant rabbits. It'll get the younger generation interested in the governance of this fine country, and more importantly, will train the populace for when the evil space rodents inevitably invade. You won't get that by diverting union membership fees to the parliamentary Labour party.

But for now, you'll have to make do with an apology. Or rather, "I'm Sorry", an arcade game released by Coreland (now Banpresto) and Sega in 1985. No Sheffield MPs or reliable motors in this one, but you do get to control the late Kakuei Tanaka, 64th and 65th Prime Minster ("Sori") of Japan. It's every man's dream.

Motor Raid

Time to raid the... motor..?

For those who dislike the Isle of Man comes Motor Raid, one of many Sega Model 2 arcade racers which nobody has played. Forgettable Japanese characters hitting each other with sticks while riding bikes. Just what what we need to quench the Eurozone debt crisis.

Cal.50

The Japanese are on top of world affairs.

Cal.50. Or Caliber Fifty. Or Caliber.50. Or Cal. Fifty... a 1989 arcade release by Seta. Massacre the Vietnamese enemy soldiers for kicks. Who needs politics?

Logger

Logger, a 1982 British arcade invention by Century Electronics. It's Donkey Kong, but worse in every conceivable way. Fantastic.

Jr. Pac-Man

Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man conceived a child. Think about that. Or don't.

"Jr. Pac-Man", here to make your day as one of the many Pac-Man arcade sequels. This one's from 1983, and thankfully, it's not at all similar to Pac & Pal.

Black Widow

Something to play after you find the computer room.

Black Widow, an Atari invention from 1982. It has spiders in it.

FZ 2006 II

I thought the MAME project was in a bit of a mess.

But nope, they're still adding things. Like FZ 2006 II, something fairly important which slipped under my radar. It's a Korean bootleg, and I'll let you guess what it's a bootleg of. Answer after the jump.

The Pit

The best place to punch Liu Kang in the face.

Or not. It's The (other) Pit, an unrelated 1982 arcade game released by Taito. Sporting a hideous title screen and a forgettable history, it's one of many early 1980s games that will never be unearthed if it weren't for blogs like these. And what better way to follow up two high definition Xbox 360 reviews?

Haunted Castle

Hey look it's Akumajō Dracu- HAUNTED CASTLE. Following that last Castlevania review I felt the urge to go hunting for the other three games that share the same Japanese name. Bad idea.

This is perhaps the worst Castlevania game in the history of the series, which probably explains why it doesn't use the Castlevania brand name. There may be 3D or Game Boy releases that beat it on the crap scale, but you can expect this one to be near the top.

Bosconian

If B.A. Baracus broke out of the A-Team and formed his own country, completing the citizenship test could mean you'd be classed as a...

And what greater privilege could you have than sharing a name with this 1981 arcade game by Namco? Bosconian is yet another great early arcade game that has evaded my attention for three decades. There's too many of these, and yes, it is another review inspired by Classic Game Room.

Scud Race

Spare a thought for Scud Race. Or SPORTS CAR ULTIMATE DRIVE... race. Americans may know it as "Sega Super GT" because confusion is fun, but generally not many people know of this game at all because it was never ported to home platforms. It's a fate it didn't deserve, so time to do it some justice.

Truxton II

Still not quite Cosmic Carnage.

Here on my little blog, I like to review games I can't play, witter for a few paragraphs and give a meaningless final verdict which both fails to attract new players and fails to impress the veterans. But rather than break the trend here's TRUXTON II (a.k.a. Tatsujin Oh!), sequel to Truxton (Tatsujin). It's a vertical shoot-'em-up by Toaplan, first released into the arcades in 1992, and if you ever needed a good definition of "hardcore gaming" this should do you quite nicely.

Space Launcher

In 1979 Nintendo released Space Launcher. Nobody cared. It's now 2011... and we still probably don't care, if we even have the knowledge of Space Launcher's existence. Luckily for you, if you don't have that knowledge, here it comes in the form of a blog post. Hurray.

Hyper Pacman

Clones of Pac-Man are nothing new. But finding one that stands out is.

Hyper Pacman, the 1995 arcade game by South Korean company SemiCom. It's all the rage!... and... I've... never really heard of it either. But the real question is, is it a step beyond super?

Cosmic Avenger

Word to the wise, steer clear of Minecraft if you plan on maintaining a gaming blog.

Another short review to keep the content flowing. This is Cosmic Avenger, a 1981 arcade game from Universal. Why do you care? Because it's the first side-scrolling shoot-'em-up ever. Yeah... I didn't realise either.

Space Dungeon

Classic Game Room is a bit hit-and-miss as far as i'm concerned. On one hand, it's nice to see obscure games and I do often enjoy their reviewing style. On the other, it's clearly aimed at a North American audience, doesn't often do its research and likes the Sega 32X. Nobody with sense likes the 32X.

But kudos to them for pointing out SPACE DUNGEON's existence, a 1981 arcade game by Taito. Its a Robotron 2084 clone released before Robotron 2084, and is arguably better than William's classic? Surely not!

Sexy Parodius

Sounds sexy

Say, what's better than Jikkyō Oshaberi Parodius? Lots of things, actually, but you can count on Sexy Parodius being one of them. The last in the series worth caring about, Sexy Parodius goes that extra mile to make sure it could never be sold in the west by cramming the game full of women in swimsuits to extract your revenge against feminism on. But don't be put off by its title - this isn't filled with intensive bedroom fun. In fact... there's no nudity at all.