High Speed

Pinball on the NES. Think it will work? My vote is no.

Vigilance on Talos V

There is only one major issue I have with Super Metroid - it's a SNES game. Try as I might to sit down and finish it, Nintendo's unique take on audio coupled with the slow and dark nature of 16-bit Zebes means I often struggle to keep my eyes open while playing.

Thankfully, there are alternatives. Here's one; Vigilance on Talos V, released in 1996 for DOS. Gradient heavy mid-90s graphics, questionable voice acting, low production values... it's perfect.

SOOG: Sega Pico

Something new, something fresh. Something with fewer images because ImageShack keeps deleting them.

Because I'm not entirely sure whether the whole "Squirrel reviews a game you're not aware of" format always works, I figured it was time to try something different. So I present to you a potentially short-lived column: Squirrel's Opinions on Gaming. Or SOOG.

I also thought I'd start on something more positive (I use this term very loosely) before this degrades into rants about trivial features of the industry. My adventures with the Sega Pico - the Sega console nobody talks about. It'll be educational for all sorts of reasons.

Dark Castle

A few months ago, the horrendous Mega Drive (and CD-i) release of Dark Castle was roasted by the Angry Video Game Nerd for horrific controls and stupid design, and a good deed was probably done for the world.

Unfortunately, the AVGN show isn't always well informed. Turns out there's a second opinion on the internet coming from the Macintosh fans. Dark Castle, a classic? It has sequels? It has a following? Oh no!

ATF II

Look what I found on my shelf. ATF II - a two decade old "arcade" flight simulator for the IBM PC which I've never bothered to play. How does this masterpiece fare in 2012? I can't say, because I couldn't get it to run.

But that's okay, we can still experience the redundancy through this Amiga copy! What a glorious day for the world!

Vote 1924... yet again

Not that I'm expecting anyone to care, but I've redesigned the SHPMDBGWL4 mini site. It was something I was meaning to do quite a while ago, a.k.a. last year. It's nothing special, but certainly better than before.

Don't ever expect to see anything "new" from the series, but if you haven't played these games yet, I urge you to give them a try. Yes the file size is a bit excessive, yes there are many references to things you won't understand, but I am genuinely interested in whether there's a market for this sort of "joke" game. SHPMDBGWL4 has broken gameplay, rubbish graphics and stolen audio, yet it still resonates with people (or at least it did in 2008).

One day I'd like to bring Quackers to the big leagues, because five years on this stupid concept still makes me laugh. The implementation here is often lousy (most of the earlier games make me cringe) but I honestly feel it's a idea with potential. I'm still waiting for the video game equivalent to Airplane! but the best the industry has managed thus far is a Stan Helsing. It's a long-term goal of mine to change that.

1941: Counter Attack

Lock up your women and children - Squirrel's reviewing a PC Engine SuperGrafx game. Last time this happened thirteen innocent lives were lost. Some of us are still in mourning.

1941: Counter Attack. Sequel to 1943 and 1942, because fighting with the Japanese before 1945 disrupts the fabric of time, as my long time fans will tell you.

OutRunners

My Sega Retro journey brings me to this disaster - OutRunners for the Sega Mega Drive. What joy.

Rage

It pains me that I don't like Rage. You could say "it makes me rage"... but I've no plans to such things... even though it does. How can a game built by id Software turn out so obtuse and stupid - looking new, yet feeling old. What went wrong?

Puyo Puyo Tsuu

Look at this. Puyo Puyo Tsuu for the Mega Drive, an iteration of one of the best puzzle games ever made. A game you all need to play, but yet I can almost guarantee nobody will, mostly due to its failure of its aesthetics to appeal to anyone. First impressions are key, and Tsuu looks like another piece of worthless Japanese tat. Isn't it great that looks can be deceiving?

Fez

Oh yes, this exists.

There was once a time where Fez was fresh. That was five years ago. But fear not, for recently Polytron's party piece has finally been made available on Xbox Live Arcade. But the question is, do we still care?

Jaki Crush

"I wonder what Squirrel will post next..."

Surprise! It's an obsolete pinball game from twenty years ago! Jaki Crush, for the Super Famicom, built by Naxat Soft. We're living it large, friends.

Ninku Gaiden: Hiroyuki Daikatsugeki

Ugh. Yes, I know, illegible Japanese tat, get it off this blog, etc., and I agree - I don't like littering posts with words I can't pronounce. But I do like Pengo, and if I don't highlight this one, nobody will.

Gears of War

Despite working on a review since mid-January I can't seem to formulate paragraphs about this one. It's Gears of War, etc. Click the link.

Sonic 2 HD

A Sonic the Hedgehog game which completely fills my screen, yet doesn't make me wish it didn't. Yep it's the alpha version of the fan-created Sonic 2 HD - what joy.

King & Balloon

Man the space cannons - Richard Branson is attacking the monarchy. This is King & Balloon, released in 1980 by Namco. Remind me why we don't care.

Half-Life 2

I've been busy.

It's Half-Life 2, delivered to you by Blog Squirrel nearly eight years after PC Gamer said it was cool. Gordon Freeman is here to show us how to grow a goatee... and there's aliens or something, idk.

Donald no Magical World

A video game sponsored by the McDonald's fast-food restaurant chain? Well Christ I don't think I can cope with such a new and innovative concept - certainly haven't seen that before! And for the Sega Game Gear too? It's as if my prayers have finally been answered.

This is the poorly titled "Donald no Magical World", otherwise known as "Ronald in the Magical World", because it stars everyone's favourite clown, Ronald McDonald and he's in the... "Magical World". I'm guessing the executives in charge were hanging out there too.

Halo 3

Smoking in the workplace in the year 2552. This is one of many interesting questions that are raised when confronting Halo 3, 2007 Xbox 360 top-selling sequel to Halos 1 and 2. Much like how all serious Wii owners are obliged to own an edition of Zelda, everyone on team Xbox are conscripted into the Halo 3 brigade. And so now it's my turn to give it a go, four and a half years after it was cool.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

I can churn these out faster when there's less to talk about.

Hey it's 2007 smash hit Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. The stuff dreams are made of... if you have really low aspirations in life. You've collectively given Activision billions in exchange for this one, so how does it fare just a few years down the line?