Pinball FX 2: El Dorado

I was told, from clearly unreliable sources, that El Dorado was one of the lesser tables to grace Zen Pinball in 2009. And that's why you don't listen to what people have to say. Opinions suck - more guns in schools!!!

Pinball FX 2: Shaman

Hey look, it's the day nobody was waiting for - equality amongst pinball simulators by Zen Studios.

Shaman, El Dorado, Tesla and V12, four pinball tables from 2009 originally exclusive to PlayStation 3 users, are now available to Xbox 360 fans via Pinball FX 2. Trying to describe the situation hurts my head, but I'm going to review each table individually anyway because I can, starting with Shaman... right now.

Icicle Works

It's getting cold outside, so must be time to tell Paul Weller that the river Nile flows through ten African nations and much of the continent follows Islam. We've done this every year since 1986 but he just doesn't listen!

And what better way to celebrate the festive season than Icicle Works for the Commodore 64, a game completely devoid of icicles... and work. Great stuff.

SOOG: Wii U

That's the sound of da police.

It's new Nintendo console time, and I thought I'd try something hilarious - give my opinions on a system I've not seen and don't plan to buy, because that's totally what you want to read. Won't get that elsewhere on the internet, nope.

Hard 'n' Heavy

Remember Great Giana Sisters, the world's most famous Super Mario Bros. clone? Of course you do - the internet won't let you forget.

But what about the sequel? This is Hard 'n' Heavy for the Amiga, converted, apparently, by a man without a name. We're off to a good start.